Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Madeline by =IconoclastTen:iconIconoclastTen:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Dear Madeline,

What do you do
when, suddenly, you find that you have
fallen in love?

Do you spend the nights
thinking
because you can’t fall asleep?

What do you do
when you can not stop dreaming of
his smile, his touch?

Do you close your eyes
and try
to make dream reality?

What do you do
when the only thing you can think
is “I love you”?

Madeline, I’m alive


---


Dear Madeline,

What do you do
when the one you’d give your life for says
“I hate you”?

Do you spend the nights
crying
because you can’t fall asleep?

What do you do
when you are afraid of losing
everything?

Do you cover your ears
and try
to erase the memory?

What do you do
when the only thing you can think
is “I miss you”?

Madeline, I am dead
©2009-2010 =IconoclastTen
:iconiconoclastten:

Author's Comments

Wrote it a couple days ago...
Yeah :|

I like poetry... but I so rarely feel inspired to write it :XD:

Critiques


:iconagent-angel:
=Agent-Angel Apr 7, 2009, 2:39:27 AM
The wording in this is fantastic. I especially enjoyed your use of common words to enhance the flow/tone, such as suddenly in the 3rd line.

The stanza that really caught my attention was "Do you cover your ears and try to erase the memory" because it put such a vivid image in my head and it's something I can remember doing myself a few times

Also, the perspective was fascinating :) I found myself wondering who exactly was talking and whether or not they were writing to themselves or actually writing with the intent of letting her read, which makes the poem even more of a delightful curiosity :)

Excellent job!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 12 deviants thought this was fair.
2 Replies

Previous PageNext Page

Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconiconoclastten:
=IconoclastTen Apr 7, 2009, 4:55:36 AM
... Thanks? :XD:

--
I wanna be a hawk. That way I can snap the neck of a father squirrel, beat him against a tree a few times, and throw his broken body at his squirrel family.
What animal do YOU want to be?

The Anti-Twilight army: Sign up now! ~Anti-Twilight-Army
:iconthunderwolfang:
*ThunderWolfang Apr 7, 2009, 5:58:18 AM
I love the words! :D

--
"Global warming is going to happen in 2 days before the day after tomorrow... oh my God, THAT'S TODAY!!! :noes:"
-South Park
:iconiconoclastten:
=IconoclastTen Apr 7, 2009, 6:02:05 AM
Thank you!

--
I wanna be a hawk. That way I can snap the neck of a father squirrel, beat him against a tree a few times, and throw his broken body at his squirrel family.
What animal do YOU want to be?

The Anti-Twilight army: Sign up now! ~Anti-Twilight-Army
:iconthunderwolfang:
*ThunderWolfang Apr 7, 2009, 6:04:41 AM
You're welcome :D

--
"Global warming is going to happen in 2 days before the day after tomorrow... oh my God, THAT'S TODAY!!! :noes:"
-South Park
:iconheartofgold727:
=HeartOfGold727 Apr 7, 2009, 12:20:27 PM
Are you okay? D8

--
OCT lover
Procrastinator
Spazz Queen
Older Sister
Pokemon Master
:iconiconoclastten:
=IconoclastTen Apr 7, 2009, 2:11:08 PM
:XD:
Yeah, I'm okay :XD:

--
I wanna be a hawk. That way I can snap the neck of a father squirrel, beat him against a tree a few times, and throw his broken body at his squirrel family.
What animal do YOU want to be?

The Anti-Twilight army: Sign up now! ~Anti-Twilight-Army
:iconkaruiru:
~Karuiru Apr 7, 2009, 6:27:55 PM
Very lovely! What inspired you to write this? (^^)

--
Made with 100% Real Fangirlism, Rage, Love, and Deranged Humor (and no carbs/ artificial flavors!).

"Ohmigod! Someone's wearing blue jeans!" -Random Goth (JTHM)
Twit-Tweet: [link]
:iconiconoclastten:
=IconoclastTen Apr 8, 2009, 1:38:44 AM
Hm.... it's a secret :XD:

--
I wanna be a hawk. That way I can snap the neck of a father squirrel, beat him against a tree a few times, and throw his broken body at his squirrel family.
What animal do YOU want to be?

The Anti-Twilight army: Sign up now! ~Anti-Twilight-Army
:iconanimeguy1347:
~animeguy1347 Apr 13, 2009, 4:36:06 PM
wow you wrote that? thats pretty good grwat work. could you take a look at my art need some feedback from people^^'

--
check out my art? [link]
Previous Page12345Next Page

Details

April 7, 2009
1.1 KB

Statistics

42
20 [who?]
299 (0 today)
7 (0 today)

Site Map

©2010 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy